The Weight of grief

Grief as it turns out is not only an emotional journey we go through when someone we love  dies, but a physical one as well . It is like someone sits on your chest and  just never gets up . Whether it was a year ago or 20 years ago it  always feels like yesterday . We like to think that we learn to control it in some degree but it is always just under the surface, some days it stays there and others it rushes out in a flood.   There are a millions of  sad things about  grief , that moment first thing in the morning when you start to wake up when everything is as it should be and they are still here, then consciousness takes you over and reality sets in and you know  they are gone .When you look at a photo and wonder what they would be doing right now if they were here.

The days when you wonder how you have gotten past it, then know it is something you never get past ,you  move forward and you bring it with you and it is the others in our lives that get us through ,that keep us moving, that keep us sane. We wonder at the time how people keep living when we can not ,how they can keep on going when your world has just stopped ,how they keep breathing and you can not catch your breath.

Grief is a life long companion as it becomes a part of us ,we will carry it with us ,we will never  forget it. We  grow because of it and will be a better person as a result of it .

And we pray we will only ever meet it once .

I miss my daughter so very much .

A Foot Note :To all the ones I love, who helped me to use my grief to make me a better human being and not let it consume me into a black hole .I love you all more than you will ever know .:)


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